we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
