Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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