We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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