im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize