wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
