Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
