Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
