I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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