Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
