You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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