there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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