we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
