I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
