I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
