Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
