dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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