4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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