Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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