Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
