So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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