Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
