I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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