his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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