i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
