a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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