Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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