it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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