I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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