The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
