I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
