sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
