Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested