So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?