I can tuck mytits in my pants
I met the friendliest cop last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier