omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere