come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i've created a new STD.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.