I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.