I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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