I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
