We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
