you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
