Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
