so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
