Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
