I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
