Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize