Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
