She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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