the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
