The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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