it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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