I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
