had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
