Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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