I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
