then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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