addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
