My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
