ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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