I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
