He kissed a someone with a penis
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
