Do you still have your period?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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