good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
