Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
