So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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