Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
