Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
