It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
