She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
