i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
