walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
